Missed Connection

I was listening to thich nhat hanh this moring about how we are, and how we are not. The undelying theme of my thoughts lately have run up and down this concept of oneness, not self the emptiness of inherent existance. I have not, however, been able to penetrate these concepts, sometimes I feel that I am right on top of them, but most of the time I remain just beside them.

Connections to self, to water, earth to my grandfather to buddha or Hitler seem so evident, but just out of reach. Even my own children seem with me and yet separate and it is not something I can logically reason out.

Talking to my daughter a picture of her appears in my mind...is that how she really looks?

Lying in bed with Samantha last night, sometimes we were the same person, other times not even in the same universe. The more I explore this the more confused I seem to be.

Mob Mentality

I think sometimes that it would be better to live in a cave and attempt enlightenment on that path.

I went to a Boston Bruins game with Harry today, very nice premium box seats and all, we sat amongst the other teams fans.

Everything was going well until the third period, Boston was down 2 to 1 and the crowd was getting loud and I could feel my mind winding up with the raw excitement and I did it.

I cannot believe that the words "BITE HIM IN THE THROAT!" left my lips or that just a few minutes later "YOU NEED TO KILL HIM!" just a few minutes later...what would buddha say?

Hopefully he would know just what to say, I don't?

Middle of Yesterday

Yesterdays post was eaten by the computer...A breif synopsis will follow:

Both life and self are verbs. Think about this.

Life is a continuum of events moment to moment one after another.

Self is a continuum of wanting or averting, when used as a verb.

The middle way of thinking promotes harmony by avoiding the extremes of these verbs or minimalizing their significance.

Ruby Day

I am often amazed at the images that come back to me from my past, especially the thoughts I've had while working in the ER all those years. It's not the gross GSW's or hysterical hispanics that stick in the brain.
It is invariably the people who have suffered a loss, whether death or stroke or a limb, and how they react, what they are internally composed from. And those things stay with me. It may be because I am still learning how to react to things, after blunting it all those years by ignoring it distracting it or drowning it when the time came to work it out in my head.
I mean some people's silent reactions are so strong that you can feel them, like a wave of heat or cold or both that echos sorrow.
Nowadays I am noticing alot more, my head has cleared since the "troubles",and I plan to use that lost ability to notice and just stay with the moment...

another day at the office

Literally another day at the office. I have sores on my butt from my comfy chair.
Salabar to all my muslim friends...

Dogs Are Paranoid Schizophrenics By Nature

I mean that I love them dearly, but this whole thing about the three of them barking at nothing has perplexed us for along time.

Now that they are three, the pack mentality takes over and they all get going when one starts to bark. We otherwise are well, had a great time on the lake today on the ice...the wind was sooo strong that we were blown like sailboats with some of the gusts!

Took some nice pictures of trees and bark today:

What I did learn on my 9 month vacation

So all play and no work makes matt a fat and contented boy. I at least learned how to meditate properly and became aquainted with the dharma and the path.

As far as physical accomplishments...well the house is a little cleaner, there is less junk in the yard and the laundry is usually done reasonably quickly.

Me and the dogs have found a great friendship, indoors and out. Walking and exploring the woods and pond around the house has been probably the best times I have had in years. I always loved the woods and streams and lakes when I was growing up and always had at least one dog along for company.

So this is what retirement is like...sign me up!

All things arise and pass away, alas there is work that needed to be done. So I brought my Red Manifesto (marx would be sooo proud!) and my porcelein buddha and set out to join the masses.